Dreams In My Head
by fAteD lOvE
Summary: You may not remember me. I am the girl with the tear in her eye." Chuck/Sarah. Chuck Bartowski reveals a chilling secret about his past. WARNING for not-quite explicit material.


Charah, but not how you expect it. Chuck and Sarah aren't together yet in this fic.

Hehe. You know that Xmas fic I promised? Well that'll be the '09 Christmas fic :D

But…while this strange productivity lasts, I'm trying to churn out as much as I can until I lose my brainwave again.

The song is by Anika Moa, "_Dreams in My Head_". NZ artist again :D This time it's not just because of that I chose it, but the lyrics were pretty! The tone is a bit too cheerful for this fic, but listening to it now about to post the story, it's perfect :) Youtube it! Really quite quirky, and catchy.

Hey, so a **WARNING** for content. Not too graphic, but just be warned. Trying my hand at this side of storytelling :)

Disclaimer: I don't own Chuck but I'd like to own Zac- have you_ seen_ a photo of him when he was a teenager?? *drool*

* * *

Dreams In My Head

---

_You may not remember me  
I am the girl with the tear in her eye  
Tear in her eye  
And I never expected a call from you  
Thinking about it now, I guess I did  
I guess I did_

_Cause I have all these dreams in my head  
With you and I together waking in each other's arms  
If only I could tell you how I feel  
Then I wouldn't have to sit here and think about losing you  
But it's just a dream  
I have in my head_

--

_**As dim as the light was, his pleasantly buzzed thoughts registered smugly the way her lashes fluttered delicately and the way her eyes closed as he shifted his weight heavily onto hers.**_

As innocent a nerd as he looked, Chuck Bartowski nevertheless had secrets.

Very BIG important secrets like how a computer was in his head; along with dirty national intelligence; hidden stuff like his parents, who they really were and why they left; Ellie's depression through the end of high school; Sarah and Casey's classified solo operations he was able to flash on that they weren't aware that he knew about . But those were peanuts compared to his most important, the deepest, darkest secret always lurking in the back of his thoughts-

-_He didn't know who took his V-card_.

He almost let out a gasp of horror at just the thought of it.

But traumatizing as it was, he was glad to have some sort of intrigue and mystery about his otherwise bland life. He had wanted to be _smug_ about it, _parade_ it as a mark of his 'wild' years instead of the stereotyped 40-year-old-virgin-geek mindset. Even that was hard, as there was no one he could boast about it proudly to.

That's why when Sarah inadvertently provided an opening (no pun intended), he jumped at the chance to reveal the thing he had kept close to his chest for the past twelve years as anticipation built for the day he would gloriously announce it.

"I don't know."

It didn't come out as exciting or breathtaking as he had wanted it to.

Apparently Sarah thought so too, and he squirmed as she turned her amused eyes at him.

_**Self consciously, he hoped he wouldn't seem too inexperienced, and decided it was a good thing he didn't know her name, and she didn't know his. All he was aware of was cold metal on her teeth, tangled hair between his moist fingers, the texture of her rough clothing she let him remove, the shifting grains of sand that yielded to his scrambling for leverage and ending up in places it shouldn't have. **_

Choking a bit in a vain attempt not to laugh, she shook her head, "Chuck, you don't know who took your virginity? Your first time? THE first time. That's absurd!"

Colouring a bit, he narrowed his eyes at her, shrugging, "So? I like to have some dark past."

"_So_?" Sarah repeated, still chuckling from his mock serious demeanor, "SO, I would have thought Jill would've been."

Chuck sighed, raising a cloud of sand when he dropped himself down from his sitting position to lie in the warm sea of gold, luxuriating in the peacefulness of this part of their beach, watching the palms waving gently above their heads.

"Nah, but Jill certainly thought she was..." For a man trying to impress the woman he wanted, he sure wasn't promoting himself very well. Chuck rolled his eyes at himself.

"You couldn't have been that bad..." Sarah sympathized, though a glint of mischievousness still prevailed in her gaze.

Chuck snorted self deprecatingly, "My first was better than my second. You go figure that one out."

Sarah grimaced, "Well, you had to make a good_ first_ impression I guess, if that makes up for anything."

"Awkward as it was," Chuck murmured dreamily, continuing on a different tangent, "It felt…different from all the rest of the times after it."

Sarah remained straight-faced as she grinned, "Of course it would've been..." She said slowly, then her grin stretched a bit wider, "Seeing the 'rest of the times' were with the same girl and you only _had_ two girls..." She trailed off sarcastically.

Chuck looked at her disbelievingly, and when she let out a small giggle at their staring contest that neither backed down from, he broke out into belly laughs as he pushed her shoulder playfully.

_**Maybe it was a nerd's perverted fantasy, maybe it were their raging hormones, or the influence of carelessly imbibed heavy duty alcohol, or the overwhelming pain in his heart that had evolved into recklessness, but neither seemed inclined to stop. What he could see of her face was unremarkable, but he could tell she would grow to be a looker judging by the smooth warmth of her skin under his fumbling fingers, and the delicious curve her hips were taking.  
**_

Pleased at her progress at making Chuck laugh, Sarah watched him with soft eyes until he tapered off into hiccuping.

As Chuck groaned, holding his protesting stomach muscles at his laugh marathon, Sarah lay down on her stomach next to him, close enough to make him uncomfortable; he had a sneaking suspicion that she had intentionally nestled _that_ close. He watched as she propped her chin on her hand, levering herself up slightly to see his face.

"Well," He said tentatively after they were both quiet but for the lapping sound of orange-purple waves tinted from the setting sun, "It's your turn now. I'm sure telling me who Agent Sarah Walker's first was won't put national security at jeopardy..."

"No."

"No?"

"No."

Chuck lay his arm over his eyes exasperatedly, "_No_ as in you can't? Or '_No_' it won't put the country in danger?"

"No!" She said reiterated childishly, "I won't tell you."

Ignoring the adorable pout she had strategically arranged on her features, he responded to her call to arms by organizing his own face into a puppy dog look, complete with wide brown shining eyes.

"Pwease?" He shifted closer, and he could see a small spasm flashing down her body in reply. He continued, "I won't get jealous..."

_**This was a level of intimacy he had never encountered. The feeling, so raw and primitive- made hot blood rush dizzyingly through his head every time a soft moan, an uneven breath came from the pliant body beneath him. He felt a rush of satisfaction at how the power he had over her gave him a sense of wonderful control that he rarely felt.**_

_**It was now too dark to see anything, the night blanketing the mess of their tangled, gangly, adolescent limbs; their feathering, tentative caresses; and clumsy kisses. All he could feel was the way his nerves sizzled every time his abdomen slid onto her own moisture coated one, and the way her cheek radiated its heat onto his one pressed against hers.**_

He wasn't sure she could speak at that point. He noted they way her hand lay unmoving between them, her eyes fixed on his, a small unsure smile on her frozen lips. Chuck slid even closer, making her lift herself onto her side at his proximity, trying fruitlessly to distance herself. When she couldn't move any farther, Chuck was a bare inch from her, and she was horribly aware of all the points their clothes touched.

A small shuddering breath escaped her parted lips.

When his hand made contact with her waist, she seemed to almost leap back from an electric shock, lying on her back now thirty centimeters from him, all appendages held protectively around herself.

"I don't know."

Chuck, still disorientated from the speed in which she pulled away from him, simply stared at her.

"What?"

Sarah's head flopped to the side to look at him, "I said: I don't know."

Chuck gave a weak grin, "And you gave me all that shit for not knowing mine?"

"I was drunk," Was her only explanation.

"So was I."

They stared at each other again.

--

_You notice I've been shaking my head  
And spending another day missing you  
Both missing you  
And on this sign there's the two of us  
Sinking in the sand of our desperate love  
Our desperate love_

_Cause I have all these dreams in my head  
With you and I together waking in each other's arms  
If only I could tell you how I feel  
Then I wouldn't have to sit here and think about losing you  
But it's just a dream  
I have in my head_

_--_

_**The moment where everything stopped, when shaking hands scrabbled for purchase, a lull when indescribable warmth cascaded through heightened synapses- she muttered something that he would only remember a few hours later when he awoke alone with a pounding headache on cold sand to a grey sky wondering if she had been a figment of his imagination. It was something he would surely remember of this encounter, something said so simply but one he couldn't seem to rid from his memory. **_

Slowly, her eyes peering intently into his, Sarah spoke.

"That was the day Graham recruited me. The night I was supposed to be packing."

"That was when my mum left."

"I was seventeen."

"I was eighteen."

"Um," Chuck blinked and added, "I still had braces."

"Me too."

"I was in LA."

"I was stopping over."

"Where did you-"

"-on a beach."

"That's why this particular spot is my favourite place to think."

They looked at each other again, stunned by the parallels.

"She left before I woke up."

"I had to go, my career was waiting. I couldn't afford to waste time for the first guy who actually took notice of me… while _inebriated_ - my 'illustrious' future beckoned."

"There was something she said as if she had yearned for it her whole life... there was a moment... I just couldn't forget-"

He could barely hear her over the soft whistling of the wind, but leaning closer, she whispered into his ear, "I'm just a girl-"

Chuck gazed at her, wide eyed, "Asking a boy to love her."

--

_If you could see my heart is bleeding  
I'll stay here now and wait  
For you to show_

_Cause I have all these dreams in my head  
With you and I together waking in each other's arms  
If only I could tell you how I feel  
Then I wouldn't have to sit here and think about losing you  
But it's just a dream  
I have in my head  
It must be quite sad  
That it's unrequited love_

* * *

Isn't it ironic how they want each other so much but it appears they've already been together and their first times no less, so now Chuck doesn't have an excuse to annoy Sarah about how many times she's done it, since as experienced as she is, he knows how she was at the beginning and he got her first :) Must be fate… (Or me being devious).

It's interesting to think what would've happened if they hadn't been drunk and met each other, or she had stayed in the morning. Would they still love each other? Or was it because of her experiences and their circumstances now that was what attracted Sarah to him? To think everything Sarah wanted was there for one night for her, and she had given up on it not too long ago and just carelessly dumped and overlooked is kinda funny.

I wanted to put those questions and answers into the story, but it didn't seem to fit anywhere and I decided it was good where it ended.

This idea spawned from nowhere but I do remember that there were several factors that guided it such as JMG's _Chuck vs his Destiny _where it mentioned that Jill took his virginity in a car somewhere random, Chuck's honeymoon phase with Jill in the arc, and Roan's comment of Chuck's lack of intercourse.

The last line came from Notting Hill which I've watched a few times, a line I've been infatuated with ever since I heard it a week ago (update: when I wrote it) :D …and then BR grabbed hold of the quote first and Myst the theme :P Thus the postponing of this upload until now. So this can be like a consolidation of both their fics :D

WHAT'S WRONG WITH THE LINE BREAKS?? Oh and should I up the rating? I mean, I wrote a warning anyway.


End file.
